Wednesday, May 11th, 2005
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7:46 pm - Returning
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Alright so i haven't been on LJ for 4 months now. Lemme see...i met a girl 4 months ago and have been dating her since...i have recently started playing A LOT of poker at school and on the weekends and usually win about 10 bucks a week from school and 25 a week from saturdays. I guess it is kinda my part time job.
One of my friends has joined a band and made a CD, i got in touch with a friend i haven't spoken to in 3 years. He's still a Star Wars nerd but it felt good to tell him why i left that church so long ago.
My grandpa seems fine, his Parkinson's is containing itself well. My dad landed a job at the mental hospital. He tells me stories daily of getting people and full nelsons and i guess that's kind of cool.
I better go for today...I have to rent a tuxedo for prom.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Tuesday, December 14th, 2004
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9:07 pm
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Today i found out my grandpa has Parkinson's Disease. The thing is he is a VERY strong person and i know that it will cause him a lot of emotional pain to look weak in front of his family. Tonight he told me that he would like to take a vacation to the beach this summer because he wont be strong enough to go next year. He's losing strength rapidly he needed me to carry something for him that may have been 13 pounds or so....he struggled so much just trying to lift it. He's been such a strong figure in my life he's the same man who sheilded me from my dad's temper as a child and the same guy that raised me in an actual family. His life is to protect his entire family but with him getting weaker i'm not sure what will happen. All of his sons with the exception of one have not gone to college and have had major problems with drugs and alcohol. it feels weird seeing him get so weak...i just have to listen to his world war II stories some more and maybe that will make him a bit happier.
current mood:  hopeful
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, December 8th, 2004
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8:56 pm - Partially Random
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Wow an amazing iron chef last night. lol, i stay up late to watch cooking "battles" pretty sad, huh? Anyways it was a crazy battle and the iron chef, obviously, won. I stayed up late a listened to some weezer...i basically had a panic attack about what im going to do with my life. I'll be a senior in less than a year.:(...ugh this thinking stuff hurts my head. christmas is soon, i get to hear a bunch of racist jokes and gay bashing at my family gathering. God i hate west virginia land of the inbred hicks and tacky american flags:o. i'llget out soonish anyways...
current mood:  annoyed
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, December 1st, 2004
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8:49 pm - Kitty time is over
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For the past few weeks i have been trying to well...live my childhood i guess. I was so mad that i didnt get one that i came up with a genius plan to create one from scratch. I'm finished with it now though...pretending to live a childhood i had no idea how to live didnt go over well. It just ended up making me more immature and annoying. I guess i wasn't meant to get a childhood ya know?I just got really tired of getting that old feeling...letting everyone step on you and never retaliating.I thought maybe if a could get a little feeling of a childhood it would magically take all the hurt i've been through. It's time to be myself though... not the dumb acting immature kid but the actual man i have had to be all my life.I shouldn't wrry about what i've missed out on i just eed to think of it as having practice for when i really hit that age:)
current mood:  contemplative
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, November 27th, 2004
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8:59 pm - Thanksgiving
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Alright, so i saw my mom's side of the the family for thanksgiving. They are crazily different...nobody is divorced, racist, or has a bad history of drugs and alcohol. I had a lot of fun hanging out with some little 'uns they were 2,5, and 6. They were so happy which is the opposite of my dad's side...it makes me think why my mom and dad ever got together in the first place:/. I wish i could have gotten a picture of them especially the 2 yr old boy named Solon. He was so awesome i dropped a napkin and he hobbled over to it...looked down and then started clapping and laughing:p.*sigh* kids are great we watched harry potter also. I dont know the story to it but it wasnt so bad...maybe if i was a little smaller i would enjoy it more:). THE END
current mood: happy
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(comment on this)
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Monday, November 15th, 2004
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5:04 pm
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Great another crappy day, I'm paying for the mistakes i made last year by retaking classes with some sophmores. I should've gone to summer school last year but then i would miss one of my favorite church field trippy things. I'm undecided as if it was worth going. Anyways i have a bunch of extra work due to some stupidpeople talking all the time in my classes so i cant really type...I'll probably sleep instead of doing it though:|....
current mood:  blank
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, November 14th, 2004
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1:38 pm - Feeling Fine
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Alright so everything is cleared up with everyone. It feels like a stepped backwards in time though i mean literally like i went back a year. I've gotten away from my stressy stage and i've gone back to my old old stage ,whic was a year ago:0, and im just a little lonely book worm again:) I don't mind too much i'll still hope for some girl to come into my life and happiness blah blah. Anyways i better go do nothing now...
current mood: fine
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(comment on this)
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Monday, November 8th, 2004
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5:09 pm - BLah
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my mom is going to buy me anti depressants and get me a therapy appointment. It's mainly due to the fact that i've been missing a hell of a lot of school lately and she thinks that i am being bullied or something. I wouldn't mind school if people would just be nice to one another...I mean everyone is constantly trying to be cool so they hurt other people's feelings.Luckily we don't go to school thursday:)...so by missing today i magically turned it into a 3 day week. BTW i think i figured out why i am tired and lazy all the time. I have a really high metabolism and i just realized that matabolism burns some energy to burn the food so it's sucking away all my energy so i can be skinny:0 not worth it.Hrmmm....that sounds like a cop out sort of but i just mean that my matabolism has an effect on my energy level.
current mood:  drained
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, November 6th, 2004
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12:18 am
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People at school suck. Girls always go for the talky preppy guys that treat them like shit. I noticed it a lot today in class...they would be like "that guy is so sweet" and then the guy would be with his friends and say something to the effect of "yea, im gonna bang her" or jsut something really messed up and stupid. Maybe girls are attracted to the danger of liking a jackass or something i don't know. It is just stupid to continuously see girls go for assholes then get hurt.DUH! Why can't they expect that to happen when they go for the same guys. Anyways today was jsut a really big people hating day.....guys are assholes and girls are clueless. END.
current mood: annoyed
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, November 3rd, 2004
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4:00 pm - Overeaction King
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Oh man...today was the first day i actually got to think about all i have been doing lately on LJ and in life. I realize now that i overreacted to the jennifer thing in the beginning and i guess it just kept building up until i've finally lost all contact with her. It isn't her fault for not feeling the same way about me and i cant remember why i ever thought it was.I've blabbed on about her a lot and i feel like over the past 2 months or so i have been a different person then i was before. I've been so full of anger and hatred and i misdirected it. Teenage life is so confusing but today i realized it's mainly because i live like an old man. I try to be some mature guy...but these are the years im supposed to act up right?Maturity comes later and relationships come later as well, i'm going to try to have fun and i'll try really hard to let my guard down around new people.
PS: I thoguht everyone hated bush...how did he win?
current mood:  bouncy
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Monday, November 1st, 2004
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11:23 pm - RAWR
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I'm in a very confused state. so jennifer doesnt want to be my friend and i dont know why exactly except for some of those angry entries which i apologized for. I don't know i do want to be her friend again because there were a lot of fun times and hanging out with the whole group made me really happy...but every so often i get in a mood where i don't even want to be near her...maybe it is because she is being a little harsh in the things she has said about me but i am trying to remember the good things too.I can't like griffin...even if i tried i couldn't and i know that is part of the issue. I do want her to know that i'm still the same guy i have always been and i will be there for her or anyone else in the youth group. Maybe she just has a bad image of me now like she thinks i turned into some hate monger. I'm trying my hardest to make sense outta this and i really wish i could just put it aside.If i never would've told her how i felt in the first place we would still be friends...ihope this thing blows over i just hate having to lose someone from my youth group. Everyone in it has helped me a whole lot with my depression and a lot of it was done by her bubbliness. I don't want a romantic relationship anymore...i just wanna rewind time. I hope she will discover that im not different, i will jsut have to wait and wait and wait...
current mood: confused
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(comment on this)
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Friday, October 29th, 2004
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12:48 am
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I'm majorly stressed out. Why do i even give a shit about her anymore? I hate this, i can't sleep at all and my mind has just been messing up for about a month now. I need to get this resolved but she obviously doesnt want to talk to me. Why should i blame her though...she has her happy little world with her happy little boyfriend and everything is so perfect. It might be better that way though... i can live in hell like now and she can just walk around with wonderboy and have painted smiles on everyone's face. I wish that someone would just walk up and shoot me right between the eyes and just splatter me all over anything. Then i can be done with people and the world.I hate life so much and i hate those stupid people who's explaination for my bad experiences being "life isnt fair". Ya, i know life isnt fucking fair all the people that have done the worst things to people are forgiven for no reason while we live through hell just to live through some more hell.The good guys are never noticed ever and im sooo tired of watching girls get hurt and seeking out the same type of guys that hurt them to be with. I do believe that forgiving and forgeting gets us nowhere. Forgiving is great but forgeting...why would you forget about what they have done. For people to change they need something to knock them on their asses but if you keep forgeting it wont have an impact on them. Ugh, life is fucking terrible...i try to be a good guy but everytime i try to life just keeps piling more and more shit on top of me and i cant live through thtis anymore. I'm just sooooo tired of all this.
current mood:  tired
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Thursday, October 28th, 2004
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10:38 pm - Trick or Treat!
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so i went trick or treating with my cousins and my sister's friends. Ugh, it was fun but it made me feel old. A bunch of kids younger then me were passing out candy while i was dressed up like a pirate, lol. All in all it was fun...my grandpa fixed me guitar and it is nice to have my baby back again:). I was thinking a lot about how relationships we so much different in our grandparents time. I mean, they would marry their 1st or 2nd girlfriend most of the time...is it weird to want to reverse time, lol. i do like how women have gained more respect over the years but i think the world has just jumped into a crazy sexual frenzy now a days; it makes me want to be in a time where everyone had a white picket fence and the worst word you would hear was darn. Ergg...does anyone notice how crazily different the world has gotten? I mean almost everything is physical now when it used to have to be partially mental. RAWR, nevermind i will think about it some more later.
current mood: drained
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, October 23rd, 2004
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10:28 pm - Art projects
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Ugh, this whole art thing is getting hard. It isnt hard for me to get ideas but i dont get much time to do things...i like to put all of myself into each seperate project but with such short tme it makes them feel incomplete. I've taken up guitar...i think for a project i will try to draw what i hear or the music i make. hrm, so how about the red sox, huh?(didn't watch just making small talk)
current mood:  creative
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, October 17th, 2004
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11:19 pm - I let this one slide
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Fine i won't make it friends only ,lol. I have a good feeling right now...like i think that everything will work out well which is a huge relief. That thing with jenifer got really messy and unnecessary in a way i am glad that it didnt work out. i realize i need to try to stop judging people and i guess i will need to work on that.A lot of stress is gone from me now which is such a great feeling...i used to not even be able to sleep but im eager to make that up:). I do hope that me and jennifer can become good friends again and fine i'll stop judging griffin based on his past. I'm really just happy that i'm not all crazy and worrying about everything anymore because that was hell...anyways i'll keep posted and abandon the friends only thing.
current mood: hopeful
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, October 10th, 2004
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6:49 pm - Nice day
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Today was awesome. My friend chris came over whom i havent seen in a bout a year( we have been friends for a little over 8 years) and it really rocked. We decided to wonder through my woods like we did when we were little people and a lot has changed:(. Where there was a pond 6 years ago there is now an entire expansion of our neighborhood:0. Errrg...but i had fun anyways it felt great to remember the good ol' days and talk about things. It made me want to talk to some of my other friends like Amanda lucas who went to florida in the end of 3rd grade but i have known my whole life until then. And Breanna Kennedy who i knew from 2nd to 6th grade...i miss hanging out with them but i think it would be awkward to just be like "do you remember me?". I've given up my hate of anime and final fantasy i think it was stupid of me to hate them just because they are popular. Ima' changed man:).....i think.
current mood: cheerful
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, October 2nd, 2004
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11:39 pm - Mystery piece
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Hrmm....i think part of me is missing. Ya know that hole inside you feel when you're lonely? It is that only i think it is consuming me...I feel really lonely and all i can think about is yea you guessed it jennifer. Poot on all jennifer thoughts and lonely thoughts:) i don't need either of them...ok maybe i do:( i just changed from happy to sad in one sentence. I do miss her and i love her so much she was my tohru and i was her yuki...(fruits basket).Sigh, the good times are passing me up:( and i'm just watching them float away.
current mood:  crappy
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, September 15th, 2004
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9:37 pm - Youth group
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Wednesday has come and the first youth group has happened. I had some fun seeing people i rearely ever get to see. Oh, a really good thing jennifer came and nothing awkward happened...after the first initial like 3 second shock. I can't tell if she is really pissed at me still or not, i didn't talk to or look at her at all. But for some reason it was still fun, i mean t felt good to have the ol' youth back again i really missed all you guys...and yes i mean All. As for school, what can i say? another boring day...but i am gettign really good grades this year. *snickers* one of my friends was mad becuase he is like this "super student" and i beat his score on the west test. Boo ya, i may have gotten bad grades a while ago but that don't mean that i aint got brains.(i meant to mistype btw)
PS: my hug counter has shot through the roof! heh, i had 27 hugs like two days ago and now i have 100, thanks to everyone that has given me some hugs:)
current mood: happy
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Tuesday, September 14th, 2004
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9:26 pm - Hrm....
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Today was smooth. It went by fast anyways... One good thing is i didn't see the girl i like and also wasn't really bothered by any annoying kids:). I just realized that i need to really improve my grades since im a junior now. Also, a lot of my friends i probably wont see again since some are seniors. Highschool sucks when it starts ending...
current mood: blank
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Monday, September 13th, 2004
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4:31 pm - so so
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Bwaha! i gots to do me some art projects:(...it would be fun but all i feel like doing afer school is sleeping. Ummmm...oh yea, i also saw the girl i used to be crazy about and found out i was still crazy about:(i had to lean against a wall after i passed her becuase my breath was sucked from me. Sorry jennifer, i guess im not ready to be friends...to be honest i dont know if i'll ever be ready.
current mood: drained
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